Confessions Of A...

You know what? I'm tired!

Yeah that's right! I'm tired... Fed up... Past caring... Done!

I have had enough of milling around with sleepwalkers, people that just drift through life in a dream state. Those people that float around of the floor, dipping their feet into any pool that looks briefly interesting and then flittering off like a flirtatious hummingbird. You look into their lifeless eyes and see a failure of a perfectly good human specimen. You listen to their inane droll about any pointless subject and wonder why you're there, letting this fleshy android take up your time; a possession which is perpetually leaving its owner. You wonder what will become of them but don't let the thought linger too long. Otherwise you'll turn into that mess that drifts between this world and their own with painful obliviousness.

I'm tired of those people who wasted their lives in pursuit of the wrong thing. The guy that you knew in school that took his image too far and ended up in jail for murder; quick witted and acid tongued, now doomed to fall into the trap. What about that girl you knew; the one that thought she was too nice, let herself slip a couple of times and ended up with a bundle of kids, no job and no support from those around her. Where will her looks get her now? They're not gonna raise the kids, i'll tell you that much. The boy that went and got himself killed over silly squabbles, leaving a devastated mother with a broken pot that is now her life. Or the friend you once had that was so talented, but just did nothing with their lives, just sat around all day smoking weed, playing games and letting time tick away. Aren't you tired?

I'm past caring about the people who are so ordinary, yet think they are above all the others. Certain people act a little too pompous, walking all over the place like they got rainbows pouring out of their backside, thinking they smell like roses and acting like the sneeze golden nuggets out of their nose. No matter how great someone is, what makes them any greater than any other. Who says because someone has been blessed with a melodic singing voice that they are better than the nurses that slave away at their prison-like workplaces. Why because someone is pretty are they elevated into a position of ultimate influence, when the ugly baboon is made to sit at home in the dark, trying to devise a plot to make themselves into the people they despise so much.

I'm done with the stereotypes that mar us all our lives. Because he is an Arab man on a plane, he's not about to blow you up, you cretin! Sit back down and shut up. Because that guy in the hood is young and Black he must have a gun, knife, crossbow, mace, powder strapped to his leg... something, anything to attack with, right?? Wrong!! Ever ask yourselves why stereotypes have stayed around the way they are? Look at who the stereotypes damage the most. And gossip is no better. You know nothing about it, but yet you feel its your duty to delve head first, into a topic that could potentially destroy someone! You fool! Assumptions are even worse! Do me a favour and work out the first three letters in the word... Sit on it please, don't think with it. Thanks

Oh, and don't ever ask stupid questions, it insults us both... What's that? Are there Black people in England? Piss off with your idiocy before u hurt yourself trying to remember how to breathe! Go and lick your elbow you goon! Oh, you don't care that you have minimal knowledge besides what is fed to you through the glossy cover of a magazine? Well, what more can i do than let out a big sigh, shake my head and pray you don't get trapped in thin air. Moron. Oh wait another question, good stuff, what is it now? You thought that Africa was a small country next to Spain? Good effort, give yourself a clap and then throw yourself off a bridge, thanks, much love.

There's a million ways to die, but then you read something else about some poor young soul ripped from here by another young one. Bullets fly around the streets, splitting bones and breaking homes, but so little is done to stop it. Knives are rife in the streets of strife, and rage is never ceasing. People want to throw the blame around like a hot potato. When will they realise that many hands can help build something so much faster; a solution to the disease plaguing many youth's street lives. One hand cannot mend a thousand broken pieces, no one is Superman. Prophecies from the youngsters hint that were heading towards doom, unless someone pulls their finger out and attacks the problem with savage blows that will cause it to surrender its vile grip on society. They have given us the warning that without help, what we know now, will turn into a future battlefield. The war isn't in Iraq, Afghanistan or any other land. It's here, on our streets, in our homes, running through the blood of hot headed youths so devoid of emotion they would rather take another life than take out the garbage.

All the leaves are brown, skies are grey. Go around for a walk on a winters' day, stop, look around you and breathe it in. All of it. Turn your head to the clouds that whirl above your head. Feel them weightless above you. Peer down the glitzy snow covered street, its elegance becomes you. Walk some more and plod your feet along the golden roads of sobriety. Feel the pinch of the wind against your newly cleansed skin. Write a letter to heaven and ask for guidance. Guide yourself. Teach yourself. Have a rest, have a cuppa, take some time out.

This is you... This is me... This is us, altogether, all as one.

Time ebbs and flows like the beating of a human heart, rhythmic, never straying from its eternal metronome. Look at time now. Take a minute, an hour, a week. Take some time... Fix It.

The New World?

So i have been here for the best part of five months now, on the lovely west coast of this behemoth country, and can i still say that i consider America to be the Utopian image that i, as someone living in England, is presented with through film and music?

In all honesty, NO! On my first visual inspection of the country around me; the luxurious rolling hills, the thickly woven forest tapestry and the tranquil sparkling blue abyss of ocean, i could be forgiven for possessing the misconception that this country had it all. But as i have said before, i was still a tourist waiting to properly immerse myself into the melting pot that i thought was contemporary American society. Basing first impressions of aesthetic appearance alone, with only a hint of American societal experience, were the actions of a fool. I was so caught up in the hype and excitement of being in a new place that there were subtle aspects of interaction that often slipped through my perceptive net. For such a forward thinking country, and the biggest superpower in the world in recent times, there are many ideas still prevalent in this society that haul the country back to the mindset of old and hinder its progress further into the real 'New World'.

The World as we know it is becoming smaller as time progresses, and America in particular is one of the nations that embodies this idea. In San Francisco, LA, New York, Washington and Philadelphia (all cities where i have recently visited) the streets are littered by people of all different races, colours, creeds and sexualities. Again the aesthetic appearance of these places lead one to maintain the idea that America could actually be the worlds saviour, the way forward into a planet that is truly equal. Alas, this is part of the dream projected onto people who do not live in this place. One of the major problems that i have noticed in this society is the issue of colour. By that i mean the awareness of ones race and ones colour. To elaborate on my point, i mean the colour dynamic in terms of being black in America. In contrast to England, Spain and the Caribbean (all places where i have been able to observe the colour dynamic), colour becomes much more than simply colour, it is a definition of someone out here. Granted, in England, black people (as this is where my experience lies in terms of being a minority) are very aware of their colour, but not in the same way. It seems that in America, people are hyper-sensitive of the colour, that they let colour rule the way they act, think, move; basically have ultimate control over their existence.

I feel that in England, society has come to a point where we have almost transcended the idea of colour. Yes, there are still people around who see either one side of the spectrum of the other, but all in all i think England is much less colour conscious than out here. People are definately aware of their race and their roots in England, and to a certain extent it helps define their personalities, but it is not something that governs their lives. Unfortunately thats the way it seems to be for so many people here. The racial composition has, in my opinion, too much influence on people's actions, beliefs and attitudes out here. I feel that people are just too aware and hyper-sensitive about who they are racially. Perhaps this is one of the reasons that i have begun to notice more and more the racial tensions between people and communities. Being as i live in a largely chinese community, i have become more aware of how people look at me and react towards my presence. But i won't go into that too much because i'll seem like a paranoid mess.

This is the main problem with the society that i have noticed and obviously there are many more, as with all countries. But i won't delve into that now, i haven't updated my blog for a while so i will keep this one short. The other day i was reading Martin Luther King Jnr's infamous speech (to anyone who is too dumb to know what i'm talking about its the i have a dream speech) and i thought about how far away America was from his dream being realised. True, they do have a black president, but at the moment his legacy and potential to be a good president is being marred by groups of people springing up in opposition to him, calling him New Hitler and other unfair names.

Do i still think America is a nirvana like place that i thought of before i came to 'live here'. Simple answer...NOPE. It's another place with its own fresh supply of issues.